aliens / comics / sci-fi

Are you a Superhero Wannabe?

This is a simple question to answer isn’t it?

The answer is unanimously yes of course. Even if you don’t particularly fancy using your powers for good or for the benefit of you fellow humans, you surely wouldn’t turn down a super power? At some point in our lives, as children certainly, but also as adults, we have thought about and discussed what it would be like to have a superpower and which we might prefer.

You could be greedy and decide on a power that gives you limitless other powers, or you might have something more specific in mind. Either way, the chances of you gaining this super power are remote. In fact, non existent (soz!).

I think that’s why, for me, the idea of the X-Men and their mutations has always been enticing. Scientifically (I presume), we are more likely to discover that we have a previously latent mutant power/ability, than to find that we are in fact an alien that has been adopted by humans, and moreover that we develop powers from something radioactive. That shit will kill you!

Don't let this bastard bite you!

Don’t let this bastard bite you!

I got thinking about this after watching X-Men Days of Future Past and started daydreaming about what my mutation might be! Perhaps a cross between Beast and Rogue! Who knows – the possibilities are pretty much endless when it comes to what mutation has to offer. MUTANT AND PROUD!! (ahem).

But, on further thought I’ve realised that even if super humans and mutants existed, and even if you lived in New York (which is particularly riddled with them!), the chances are slim that you’d be a Superman or a Wolverine. Here’s the eventual run down I came up with – have a think about where you would fit. And please, be brutally honest with yourself!

Mom?

Mom?

Super Human / Alien:

This category is the apex hero. This is your Superman, your Spider-Man, your Captain Marvel. Essentially those either born with powers, or those who were infected or inherited powers from radioactive stuff/animal/accident/experiment (seriously how much of that shit is out there! how are we not all radioactive a this point?!), or inherited powers from an alien or radioactive person.

Prominent Examples – Superman, Supergirl Power Girl, The Hulk, Spider-Man, Captain Marvel,  Ms Marvel, Captain America, DareDevil, Fantastic Four.

Ok guys, no need to fight over whose radiation induced power is more awesome!

Ok guys, no need to fight over whose radiation induced power is more awesome!

Super Human / Alien (necessary equipment edition): 

So these are pretty awesome too, they have super powers but those powers are reliant on some sort of source for that power. The obvious example here is Green Lantern. Take aware the source and they are kinda screwed!

Prominent Examples: Any of the Lanterns across the whole colour spectrum.

Just make sure you keep hold of that ring!

Just make sure you keep hold of that ring!

Magical and Mythical non Super Human / Alien:

This group is a bit of a catch all. Sure Zatanna and Doctor Strange are in here, but so too are Thor and Wonder Woman. Mythical characters are weaved throughout both the DC and Marvel universes, but don’t forget they aren’t super human at all – in most cases they are gods!

Prominent Examples: Zatanna, Doctor Strange, John Constantine, Thor, Wonder Woman, Namor, Aquaman

Do you dare?

Do you dare?

Mutants:

Self explanatory really – Mutants. If you’re a mutant and you’ve passed puberty, you probably know about it.

Prominent Examples: All incarnations of the X-Men

yup.

yup.

Super Skilled non Super Human / Alien:

Who’d have thought these guys would be so far down this list. But this is where they belong. Why? Because they aren’t super at all. They are normal (kinda) peeps with something awesome going on – their super skill. This skill could be as simple as being rich enough to buy shit loads of awesome gadgets that allow you to fight crime! It could be being an amazing spy, assassin or ace shot!

Prominent Examples: Batman, Iron Man, Black Widow, Hawkeye, Gamora, Green Arrow, Falcon

But still not a super human, sorry Bruce!

But still not a super human, sorry Bruce!

Non Super Human Support Crew:

Life in the world of the super human still needs the more mundane in order to continue to turn. This is the supporting cast, some of whom offer more practical support than others!

Prominent Examples: Lois Lane, Jimmy Olsen, Alfred Pennyworth, Agent Coulson, Maria Hill

Agent Hill, what would we do without her?

Agent Hill, what would we do without her?

Grunts:

Ok, so let’s face it, this is where the vast majority of us would really be. These are the guys that you see in the background – the ones at the computer terminals.

Prominent Examples: All the extras in any super hero movie ever. If we’re lucky we’ll at least be one of the people in the helicarrier operating room in Winter Soldier – some of them even got small speaking parts!

So... this is us...

So… this is us…

Red Shirts:

This is the same as the above. But you die.

Prominent Examples: The poor unseen residents of Metropolis in Man of Steel is a tip of the iceberg example…

oops, weren't in that building were you?

oops, weren’t in that building were you?

As already discussed in my post on why we secretly want an apocalypse, in our heads we are all the star of our own stories. This means that no matter what I say you are likely going to put yourself in one of the top three to five categories. Maybe some of the more modest of you might go for a supporting role. But let’s be honest here, if we woke up tomorrow and the world finds itself full of super humans, aliens and mutants, the chances are still high you’re just a grunt. You’re calling will continue to be that of a 9 to 5 desk jockey. The trick is to try and make sure you don’t end up a red shirt whilst trying to get super rich or learn a skill that might at least bump you up super skilled non super human!

But when this alteration of reality happens, please don’t aim for the apex – seriously guys radioactivity is the only way in and I’ve said it before but will say it again – that shit will kill you!!

For serious guys, for serious!

For serious guys, for serious!

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